Gentle Guidance - the illogic of smacking

When we smack or spank our child (Or even feel like doing so) it's often an emotive and knee-jerk reaction to something in their behaviour. Let's examine how we might feel when the urge to smack comes on:

The child has done something wrong, and defied me as the parent, I must punish her.
The child has hurt me, I need to teach them empathy
The child hasn’t listened I need to gain her attention somehow.

Notice the above statements, are all in the parent’s emotive terms - it’s about you - not them? It's not bad, or shameful or wrong to feel that way, but understanding the illogic behind acting on it, is important. Let's look further into that:

Smacking teaches that violence is ok, we’re asking our child to model our behaviour when he or she is being “good” and by extension, when we smack them, we’re asking them to model that behaviour.

Smacking devalues the child.

Smacking hands, teaches them that it's not ok to explore

Smacking is an extension of our ego - not the child’s behaviour.

So if smacking isn’t the key, what can be done to model better behaviour?

Consider your feelings and look to YOU first. Why are you really getting angry?
Provide situations where you know your child will be safe, and behave acceptably - reward and make a big fuss over the positives!
Remove the attention from the child, if he or she is hitting another child, make a fuss over them - apologise to them and acknowledge their ills.
Walk away (provided your child is safe) take a few deep breaths, and approach the situation without ego and emotion.

Remember, behaviour usually has a root cause, it might be they’re tired, it might be they’re frustrated - approach the situation with empathy.
If all else fails - ASK FOR HELP!

Article Source: http://www.therepozitory.com.au

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