Boost Your Everyday Confidence

Can’t Finish What You Start?
Feeling like you can’t seem to finish what you start? Frustrated with lack of motivation? Fearful of others’ expectations? Suffering the apprehension of possible failure? Give your everyday self-confidence a boost with these tips.

#1. Repeat the experience
Self-confidence can be likened to riding a bike. You can read up on the theory forever, but one day you're gonna have to get on the saddle and start peddling. True you may come off and graze your knee, but it'll be easier next time. The same strategy can be used for your everyday life. Repeated experience will overcome your fears, even if you do suffer setbacks along the way.

I remember when my husband had his first job. He was fresh and as green as an avocado straight from years studying at college. He had no other choice but to throw himself into the deep end and start counselling someone. He had observed many counseling sessions and read so many books but the only way to be a psychologist was to DO IT! So he took a deep breath and jumped….

#2. Don’t be dependent on approval
When your success or good feelings are dependent upon others’ approval of you, you are placing all of your value in someone else’s hands. Your self-confidence is totally dependent on how other people feel or act toward you. It leaves you vulnerable to being hurt and having unreasonable expectations for your life. This is what children do out of necessity, because they don’t have the inner resources like adults do.

Begin to learn how to give yourself confident feelings and maintain them. Make a list of the things you do like and value in yourself. Rediscover those likable qualities that you often take for granted. Visit a trusted friend with your list and talk over your feelings of discouragement.

#3. A change is as good as a rest
Try experiencing and risking things that you’ve never tried before. Stretching yourself is the challenge of doing new things. Just the act of accepting these challenges, some little and some big, whether you are successful or not, will usually increase your self-confidence. Perhaps you always wanted to learn piano or write a song or speak to strangers at a networking function. Try it! Or start with the little things like changing your route to work or cooking a brand new recipe.

#4. Avoid too much time
One of the worst things that can happen to a person is 'excess of spare time'. Most people usually whine about 'having no time', so most people don't know what to do with 'spare time', once they get some. You could be in-between jobs, on holidays, or even just home alone most weeknights. Few people really know how to motivate themselves by themselves, or find convincing reasons to want to change. For that reason most people tend to become lazy, which is magic for a Saturday afternoon, but not so satisfying in the long-term. And here comes the tragic part: the thinking about this unhappiness will cause frustrations and resentment and will increase self-criticisms. This deteriorates self-esteem.

Doing something, anything is the key. The important thing is that this 'something' has to be considered 'meaningful' by you (fun, useful, entertaining, of learning-value). This is why pursuing a hobby, sport, interest or other activity is vital to emotional health. Make a list of the things you do well and see if you can fit them into your schedule so you’re experiencing them more often. Nothing breeds more success like success. When you take time to do something you find enjoyment in, you’re treating yourself as you would a dear and valued friend. Now there’s an idea!

#5. Act as if …
Say you're an average-looking person and you feel unattractive. You have good and bad features, the usual range of flaws, and a nice enough personality. How do you become attractive? Believe it or not, you just have to act like you ARE attractive. Not just attractive, you have to act like you're the most gorgeous person that ever walked the earth (or at least your portion of it). Ever noticed when you’re sick at home how you feel better if you just brush your hair or get dressed? Wearing nice clothes helps, because it will help you to feel gorgeous, but the crucial thing is you have to take a leap of faith and act gorgeous. Try it. It works.

#6. Remember the 10:1 ratio
Psychologists have calculated that it takes 10 items of praise to balance 1 item of criticism, so be careful what you say. When preparing to give someone criticism, also make a note of the good points before giving the constructive criticism. Don't criticise all the points that need improving at once. Deal with the major issues first. “sandwich” negative suggestions between positive comments.

#7. Exercise Can Help
Studies of exercise have shown that taking up a sport/activity can help with low self-esteem and confidence. Any activity/sport involves challenges. Each time one of these is achieved it builds our self-confidence. We CAN do something.

Exercise releases chemicals, endorphins and adrenalin, which give natural highs. These can help counterbalance the little lows of life. Most exercise involves meeting people, often with a similar outlook (well you have the same interest at least). Friends can be the greatest boost to your confidence.

#8. Get spiritual
A 2002 study presented at the Australian Conference of Science and Medicine in Sport showed the healthiest people had a spiritual faith. The study found those with regular spiritual practices such as prayer, attending church and having a specific faith or belief in God were more motivated in life, did not relay on the approval of other people, and had the sense of a higher purpose in life.

Psychologist Jason Crestani says it’s not surprising that spiritual faith can make a difference in mental and physical health. “It’s not the actual church attendance that would determine the sense of well-being, but the sense of purpose and hope they would have. The ability to give their stress over to a higher being according to their personal faith is better than just absorbing the stress into themselves. Aspects of spiritual faith such as praying, caring for others, community involvement, and believing that change is possible are elements for good mental health.”

#9. Avoid artificial temporary boosts
Alcohol and other drugs can boost your confidence, and they can work for a long time; but nothing wrecks self-esteem more surely than the realisation that you've become dependent on the stuff. Don’t bolster your confidence with the artificial temporary boost that a drink or drug can bring. It may finally get to the point where you need a drink to cope with any kind of social occasion.

#10. Know when to seek professional help
Temporary fluctuations in our feelings of self-confidence are fairly common, they happen to most of us. However, if your self-confidence is low for a prolonged period of time or your mood shifts quite often, it might be time to seek professional help. You may have never really developed a good, solid concept of yourself when you were growing up and so as result, don’t have a firm, positive image of yourself to build on. A mental health professional can help you establish a positive self-image.

The trick is to do whatever makes you happy. It's not a case of 'I don't care what other people think' because that makes it worse and isn’t a realistic mindset for most people. It's more important to consider: how do I want to see myself through other people's eyes and how do I make it happen?

Article Source: http://www.therepozitory.com.au

Natasha Crestani is an award winning speaker, presenter & therapist in peak performance for business and life. Her company Inspired Honey, was set up with psychologist Jason Crestani to provide innovative solutions for working parents and small & medium businesses to skyrocket people performance. They help you manage your time, stress and life goals with interactive workshops and coaching. Natasha is a Certified NLP Practitioner and accredited trainer. For your FREE downloads and eBook on "The 9 Time Mgt Rules: how to achieve more and do it quicker", visit www.inspiredhoney.com or contact us at info@inspiredhoney.com

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